Drug testing is a waste of time and money

Many years ago, when I was a very young soldier stationed in West Germany, I was awakened at oh-dark-thirty every third Tuesday of the month by the sound of a fist pounding on my barracks room door and the words, "ALERT AND ADVANCE!" Any other day of the month and it would have meant that within minutes of being awakened I would be running to the motor pool with a .50-caliber machine gun and the driver's log for my M113 Armored Personnel Carrier. But because this was the third Tuesday of the month it meant that my platoon sergeant would watch me pee in a cup, and my squad leader would have me blow into a breathalyzer.

In two years of this piss and blow test, I only know of one soldier in the entire battalion who ever got caught with anything in his system. In some ways it became a running joke with us. After all, we knew it was coming. One night we stayed up playing cards and when we heard the CQ, charge of quarters, knocking on doors we were already dressed and ready for duty, and we opened the door just as he was going to knock and scared the crap out of him.

I don't know how much money the Army wasted on the exercise in futility. It never stopped the guys who smoked pot or those who were alcoholics from doing their thing. The drinkers just made sure not to drink on Monday night. I am not sure what the pot smokers did to get around the test, but they did. It made no sense to me when I was between the ages of 18 and 20, and at 48 it makes even less sense to me.